I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
