Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Randomize
