It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
