they need to just BURY HIM!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
