Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
