I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
