I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
