watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
