weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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