it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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