He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The Olympian is in my bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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