i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize