dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
