those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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