letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
