My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
