Me. At least after what I've been through.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize