She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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