listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
