Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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