I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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