I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
did i walk over a car last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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