he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am available for nakedness
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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