that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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