Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
