nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
