he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
