How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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