Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
