Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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