you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
