Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
