He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
