well most of my day revolves around power hour
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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