That's when you crack a 10am beer
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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