How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
