Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Come see our sink grown plant.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
