Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
