i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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