Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
