Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize