So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
