I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
