Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
