I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
