Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
