fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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