Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
