dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
