Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
