The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
