lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
