I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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