Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
