About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
