I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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