dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
