Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
