No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
