drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
