My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will be naked everywhere
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
