her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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