I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
