You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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