Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
