How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
