he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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