i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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